How We Almost Missed Our Flight to Paris As Told to Jimmy On a Paris Metro Car

Emily: So there I was. So--SHHHHH SHHHH No, that is irrelevant. Listen to me. Shut up, Stephanie. SO THERE I WAS. We were eating-- SHUT UP. We were eating-- we're eatin' doner kebab and it's great. It was a huge meal. She (motions to Stephanie) got schnitzel because, you know, whatever. We're eating it. So delicious. And we're like, “Okay, it's like, what? It's like 5:40 or something like that? We've got a little time. Hostel's right across the street. Grab our stuff. Leave by six.”

Me: And I remember I turned to Emily and was like, “What time is it?” and she's like, “Six.” and I'm like, “Oh, perfect.”

Emily: Perfect. So we got all of our luggage. We're like, get there by 6:30. Takes half an hour to get the airport. And then we'll be fine. So we get on the U-8.

Me: The good ole U-8.

Emily: The good ole U-8 at Rosenthaler Platz.

Me: Rosenthaler.

Emily: So, we get on. We're riding. We get off at Franz... Newman I think it was?

Me: It was like eight stops and eight stops is a lot for Berlin. Things are within three or four stops.

Emily: So we get off. Go up the stairs. We see the signs that say BUS. Has a little airport symbol and we're like, yes. We go up the stairs and we're like, yes. We see the sign that says the bus is this way and we're like, We found it. That's awesome. We're like goooin. We're like draggin' our suitcases over the dirt.

Me: It's a good time.

Emily: It's a great time. So we're sittin' in the bus stop. Sittin' in the bus stop, right? Hangin' out. You know: chillin'. Waiting for this bus. And Lauren's like, “I gotta get my tickets out!” And I'm like, “Whatever, okay.” So she asks me to hold it. And I, being the nosy person I am turn it over. And I look. And then I had a moment where I panicked--internally not externally!--and I see it says Schoenfeld Airport. Now mind you, we are going to Tegel Airport. To an airport north of the city. Schoenfeld is south.

Me: And Emily goes, “Oh my god.” And starts to take out her own ticket.

Emily: ‘Cause I'm thinking there's only one of two things happening: 1. We're going to the wrong airport or 2. Lauren's ticket's for the wrong airport. And we're good.

Stephanie: And we got all excited, like, oh! they're sitting next to each other! 

Me: Yeah! I go, “Oh my god! Are we sitting next to each other again!?”

Emily: And I just go, “No.” And I stop and I double-check and I go, “We're going to the wrong airport.”

And we're all just sitting there like, "...what do we do?" Now. So, we're like okay. Okay. Okay. What do we do? We could get a cab. But we're in the middle of just a residential area so there's not going to be a taxi. And Lauren goes, “Wellll…”—and praise be to Papa D!

Me: My father. Dave Rasch. For giving me an international plan with access to GPS in emergencies.

Emily: So she flips on her data. And she's like, "Oh! It's only a half an hour!" And I'm like, "Yes! Half and hour! That's fine!" It's 6:30 at this point. Our flight—

Me: No, it was a half an hour driving. Fifty minutes by public transit!

Emily: Our flight's at like 8:25...

Me: But our gate closed at 7:55. And it's like six thiry-ishhhh at this point.

Jimmy: Cutting it close.

Emily: Yeah. So we're like, “Okay, we'll get back on and there's a big station called Alexander Platz”—I’m gonna name my kid Alexander.

Me: It's like Union Station.

Emily: It's a big station. And we're on the train and we're like, “Okay, we're just gonna go to Alexander Platz and we'll find a cab. It's a big station. We'll be able to figure it out. “And then, Lauren's like, “Oh my god. Like. I remember seeing taxi sign.” And then I'm like, “Oh my god! Our tour guide taught us how to hail a taxi. I forgot!”

-- Cause you can't—you don't do this: (stretches are out with palm open) because of Nazis. So he's like, “You have to do this”: (gives a thumbs up). So, okay, we know that we can hail taxis and we know that there are taxis at Alexander Platz. Because, you know, in Rome, you don't hail a taxi. So we're like okay. Okay, okay, okay. Things are okay. Things are turning around. I was like, “You know guys, in a couple hours this is either gonna be hilarious or really, really awful. Like not funny at all.”

So we get to Alexander Platz. We see the sign that says Taxi and we're like, (GASP). Bookin' it. I am running through this freaking train station. So we get there and it was beautiful. Because right as we get there a taxi pulls up. But there were, like, people around us and I stick out my thumb and I'm looking at these people like you best not take this taxi. We get in. The guy was sooo nice.

Me: And you know, he's like, helpin' us with the baaags…

Emily: Yeah! He's so nice! So nice. We get our bags in the trunk. And he's like, Okay! Where are you going? And Lauren keeps calling it Schoenberg.

Jimmy: What's it called?

Emily: Schoenfeld. We get in, we're sitting in the car, and she goes, "Yeaaahhh half way to Tegel we realized we needed to be at Schoenberg." And he's like, “Tegel? Tegel?” And we're like, “NO NO NO SCHOENFELD SCHOENFELD SCHOENFELD SCHOENFELD.” Over and over again. And hes like, “No Tegel. No Tegel.” Because he doesn't speak that much English.

Me: And so we finally get him to be like, “Schoenfeld.” But I'm sitting there, paranoid, watching him drive, because I think he's still taking us to Tegel.

Emily: So we're in the car—okay, let me show you how far away it was. Because. We're not talking like, you know, a nice little, ten-minute drive. It is outside of Berlin.

Jimmy: You guys were very composed for such a hectic situation.

Emily: Oh, NO. Because at this point Lauren and I are like crying in the back. This is where we were when we realized we were at the wrong stop. (Points the the map on her phone) That’s Schoenfeld. (Points to a different spot)

Jimmy: WOAAH. It’s completely outside the city!

Stephanie: Opposite direction.

Emily: YEAH.

Jimmy: That’s ridiculous!

Emily: SO we’re in the back seat at this point. Lauren and I are just laughing really hard. Like. I’m like. The fact that like I had to look down. I had to look at her ticket for some reason. She had to hand it to me. I had to look down at it and I had to read it. But if she had been just like, “I’m not gonna pull out my ticket.”—We would have been SCREWED.

Jimmy: Yeah I don’t know what you would have done.

Emily: We were like, okay there must be some sort of higher power. Like there has to be. There’s no way. So then, we’re like crying in the back seat.

Me: Well, because we’re just like laughing and there’s like advertisements for like sex shops passing by and like the guy is driving—the guy is so nice—and he’s driving so slooooow. He’s driving so slow.

Emily: And it’s like across the city and we had to get on the highway--There’s a rock in my boot right now…

Me: My hands were sweating.

Emily: And like we’re close to the airport. We were like right there. We see the signs that say the exit and stuff. And Lauren just looks over at me in the backseat and goes, “(Very seriously)We’re going to have to run.” And I nod. And I immediately start untying my boots. I take off my coat. I’m ready to go.

Stephanie: Then we had to, like, throw money at him!

Me: Okay, so we hadn’t been to an ATM in a long time and I was the one with the most cash but like it was like 36 euro for this cab ride and I’m like we can’t wait for this guy to give us change. So I just give him 40 euro and I’m like, “Keep the change!” And he’s like, “Oh! Oh, danka! Danka shen! Danka shen!”

Stephanie: And then we ran to security!

Me: We literally ran. We ran and all the ladies that are stamping our passports are like, “Whatever,” just laughing at us. And we get into security and there’s this English woman in front of us and she’s like, “(in a bad British accent) Are you girls in a bit of a hurry?” And we’re like, “A LITTLE BIT.”

Stephanie: Get out of the waaay! (Pretends to push people out of the way)

Emily: We didn’t do that. That didn’t happen.

Me: So like we got to the airport, we get through security, and we’re like ready to run to a boarding gate.

Emily: Ran into a woman with a stroller.

Me: Okay. So, we get to the airport and we immediately go to the like the flight plan thing. And we look up and there’s NO GATE for our plane.

Stephanie: It says, “Please wait.” But we’re like, “IT LEAVES IN LIKE TWENTY MINUTES.”

Me: And we’re just like balls of nervous energy. We’re like, “Where’s our frickin’ gate. I just wanna be in the gate and on the plane. We’re so late.” And like, oh my gosh, that was crazy too. And so we finally get the gate and we finally get into the gate and we literally sit down and we start—because we went to this really fancy chocolate place in Berlin—and we all just go into our chocolate and we’re like (Pantomimes shoving it all into our mouth). And then we start just like we’re doing right now—can we recount like how… what just happened to get us here?

Stephanie: She’s just laughing and crying.

Me: I was just—we were soo tired. And like so stressed out and so much adrenaline. I’m just laughing and crying. Just tears. Oh!—these businessmen are like (mimics them being snarky and French about me). Like, “What is this girl doing?”

Jimmy: Lot of emotion.

Me: Oh my god. So much emotion. So we manage to get on the flight. The flight’s fine. We get into Paris. It was a little bit delayed. Whatever. Which is good. And we get into Paris and like there’s like no way to get home. And it was literally a maze getting to this flat that we were staying at. It was actually pretty ridiculous. Paris just doesn’t want us here apparently.